I have taken a small break from writing to do the following
1. work
2. play
3. run
4. enjoy
The kids are so good, I ran my half marathon last weekend, we experienced the fullness of sea world with friends, and the cool weather has me thinking that Christmas is right around the corner. Life is full. But of course, like any good teacher, I am ready for a little break. I will write more later.
I have had about 6 months now of what I would classify as true writers block. Seriously, I sit down at the computer occasionally and think, “oh I should write something” only to find myself staring blankly at a reflective screen. I mean, sometimes I actually think I am a professional writer and that this is actually quite normal, and I tell myself that the block will end. But then, I am not really a professional, just an everyday girl with a slurry of issues, personal insecurities, and a day job that involves hormonal teenagers. The previous items in my reach are the things that usually inspire my words on a page. For whatever reason, at this point in my life, my problems are not inspiring me anymore. Maybe I just don’t want to open up about the things I am processing right now. Life is not huge and heavy right now, but more like steady and slightly challenging.
Sometimes, I feel blocked because this process involves technology. I get annoyed being surrounded by the technology in this world. I – phone, computer, TV, other people using their technology in the grocery store line, behind the wheel. (I am guilty of all of this). The pervasiveness of technology in my life is indicated by the fact that first thing in the morning I check my email for the 6 junk emails I got the night before at the 3 am mail out time. Ridiculous and embarassing to admit, but pushing that little button on an LCD is addicting. I am not even that much a of a tech person, I didn’t even know how to download an app to my iphone until about a week ago. But all of this tech mumbling to say, I think it is ruining a part of us. Ironic, I know, because I am using my personal interactive journal to share this. I’m a little unsure of where to go personally with all this, but I am a little afraid. I am afraid of what is happening to me, in this instance being a lack of creative inspiration. I am worried for the teenagers I see on a daily basis whose social connectedness comes from a device that fills them in every moment on what their peers are thinking and doing… I am worried for my children, for the fact that they are growing up in a society where opting out of technology can be socially unacceptable. I am worried that I will have to fight them to get to them through the technological haze that comes with being plugged in constantly. I am mad at the fact sometimes that people do not use home phones, that they screen calls, and that they can check out exactly when they want. I am annoyed that in the classroom we are expected to keep up with the culture of technology, and while yes, the internet opens a world of knowledge to all of us, where did the role of the book go? I feel hopeless because I don’t think this whole thing is going away. I think it is here to stay.
I left my cell phone at home on Friday. It was a great day.
Within the last six months we moved. I say moved, but I should probably rephrase that to say, bought a house, tore everything out of it, and started anew. While most of our house is complete (in a relative sense), the bathrooms are not. Well, I should probably say this, we have one true bathroom for the four of us. A lot of the families we know have at least two bathrooms in their house. We will eventually have two full lovely bathrooms. But for now we have one tub for the four of us.
We share a bathroom.
I walk into the bathroom and I see toothpaste on the counter, matchbox cars in the tub, and toilet paper on the floor. Some mornings the toilet remains unflushed. The soap collection in the tub ranges from Elmo to Tea Tree Shampoo. There is a hamper that collects large clothes, medium clothes, and extremely small clothes. There is always something out of place, it always smells wet, and there is rarely a moment when the mirror is clean.
I have grown to love that bathroom.
It is the one place that we all really share. It represents my family and those precious moments before we all hide our eyes from each other in privacy.
It will not remain like this forever, for the plans are in the works for the next bathroom and the children are growing bigger, with my oldest sometimes requesting privacy.
But that messy bathroom represents all that I want to cling to in these early years of my children: the togetherness of family, the haphazard nature of play, and the moments when life sneaks up and surprises you in tiny, unexpected ways.
I just returned home from a lovely trip to Malibu with some of my college girlfriends. It was so nice to get away. The landscape there is gorgeous and of course, we spent our time talking, eating, and looking for celebrities in an inconspicuous way. But the one thing that washed over me while I was away was how much I missed Davy and the kids. That has never happened before. I know that sounds weird, but I think I have some strange coping mechanism to deal with that uncomfortable longing that comes from being away from those who know you best. I always submerge myself in the moment, adopt the place as my own, and basically shut myself off from what I am really rooted to. I’m not sure why I do it, but I do, and usually it is a strange and thrilling experience. Pretending you are living a life that is not even yours is not always the healthiest thing… but in my case it is often how I cope with separation from those I love. But for whatever reason, this time I had enough time and sense to actually allow myself to miss my family. There were nights when I actually laid awake and missed them, a gesture I never allow myself to do. And you know, I didn’t buckle under the weight of missing them. (I have in the past and that is a whole different story. Seriously.) I missed them, but I awoke on Monday, packed my bag, and returned home happily to the things that are my home.
It’s been awhile since I last blogged and I was thinking I would start off with something nice and ridiculous. I normally would not post something of such graphic content, but since this is making national news and it is portraying the cheerleader from my high school in such an disturbing way I thought it was worth the effort of posting. Also, Davy and I had a good laugh looking at this. High schoolers these days…
And sorry to post something so degrading to women and Spartans. I had to chronicle it however, because as all who attended Stratford know, this rivalry will make people do crazy things. Like make a nasty t-shirt. You stay classy, memorial. Stay classy.
Today I was in a staff development meeting on how to be a better teacher. I was not the only one in the room, ha ha. They brought in a couple of reading/writing guru type people to help a number of us become “better” at what we do.
It proved to be a day that was mentally challenging. They had us busy; reading, writing, thinking, debating, talking, presenting… I really did step away mentally tired.
But the coolest thing was, they flew these two gurus all the way across the country to share one major point with us:
Young people need a personal connection. You need to know them to teach them. You need to listen and be gracious with them to reach them.
On days like today, I am honored to be surrounded by others who echo what I know. I am lucky to be challenged to be better. I am humbled by the realization that I can be much better. And I am ready to try again tomorrow.
It all comes down to one thing. Relationships are so important. They ultimately change the lives and the minds of others.
I need to go to bed now.
We celebrated our fourth year with this little man this week! He turned four. Four. Davy and I are having trouble letting this soak in. He is a complete joy to know. If we had to pick a couple of words to describe Ben, we decided they would be that he is a happy, self-assured, people loving, inventive , exploring, inquisitive, never takes no for an answer little boy that is all boy.
We love you little man. Keep learning and teaching us all you discover.
The most satisfying thing I did today was to replace the batteries in Ben’s train, the one that hasn’t run in a year and a half.
You should have seen his face when it actually ran on it’s track.
Just started... so far, fantastic.
Loved this so much... my kind of writing.
Rachel Getting Married
I really loved this movie.