my blue dress

I had a strangely empowering moment today. You see, I wore this blue dress to school today. It is a little small, not inappropriate or anything… but I always feel cute when I wear it. There were no fancy shoes involved in the outfit, just a cute dress. Well, I was going about my business today, teaching my sweet and lovable students, when a substitute from across the hall darts into my room. Panic floods her eyes. There is a fight! I, of course, rush across the hall to briefly glance to see two girls rolling around on the floor, trading punches and pulling hair. Without skipping a beat, I did the unthinkable… I got in there, grabbed one of the girls, and pulled her into my room. (It actually wasn’t as hard as I thought.) All the while, the students are standing there dumbfounded that I acted so quickly. Fight over. Problem resolved (sort of.) Just another day on the job.

I was relieved to see that my intuition served me well today. I acted on instincts and was not led astray. I had a newfound respect for myself. I walked a little taller. My words were more crisp. I felt strangely empowered.

And I sure am glad that I wore that cute blue dress.

libby

I need to talk about one of my friends that I am extremely proud of. 

Libby is a friend from high school. She is one of the smartest, kindest, funniest, creative, and easygoing people I know. She is a lawyer at this point in her life, doing whatever lawyers do by day. But in her heart she is devoted to her music. She is a singer/songwriter. This last weekend she released her first official full length album, “Redemption.” 

I am so proud of her.

She is chasing after her dream.

She inspires me to keep after my own.

Please check out her music when you get a chance… 

www.libbykoch.com

(You can listen to/download her music if you click on the SHOP part of her website.)

it is what it is

Today, I was told…

“You are mean.”

“You don’t understand.”

“I hate your class.”

“This is boring.”

“I’m not listening to you.”

“I don’t care.”

“ZZzzzzz….”

I try. I really do. I try to teach these kids… but I am becoming more jaded with each day I spend with them. I am used to the comments above. They happen multiple times every day. I am growing immune to them. But they used to feel like abuse. Thank goodness I am figuring out that it is not me – it is them. But honestly, more than ever, I find myself wanting to say back to them.

“You are mean.”

“You don’t understand.”

“I hate your class.”

“This is boring.”

“I’m not listening to you.”

“I don’t care.”

“ZZzzzzz….”

That’s right. That is where I am. I am becoming more cynical about the youth of today with each passing day. And I am most ashamed to admit that this year I have spend with these students has made me question whether there is any truth to the stereotypes and judgments that exist about the poor and certain cultural groups. I never bargained that I would write that last sentence… but it is the ugly reality that I live every day. I am disappointed. I wish it were different. I wish these students respected me and everything else in this world.  Some days my heart is hard towards them because they have hurt me and diminished my hope so much. Depressing, I know. But I thought it was important to share. My defenses are up. They have to be. I am tired of being abused and now I have to stick up for myself. I tried trusting them and it didn’t work. Sad, but it is what it is.

a meltdown in three acts

The pictures say it all… 

And there you have it folks, children are not just sunshine and rainbows.

closings

Closed on a new house today, signed a million papers, and gulped hard as I thought about all the work this project is going to take.

Summer

I know that I often write about myself, my job, my likes and dislikes, and what I deem important. Today, I want to share a little about my favorite little girl. This is obviously, very important, because she is our little sunshine, one of our greatest joys in life. There are so many of my friends who don’t get the opportunity to see my kiddos, and I feel, at times, as if you don’t get to see this huge part of my life. So, here is my attempt to share a little about the little girl who always makes us say with a smile, “Look at what she is doing.”

Where do I start with Summer? Well, she is not really Summer to us, she has become Summi. This little girl is wild. She is the sweetest, most loving little thing… but when she gets mad… look out. She can take you down with one look. She loves to be goofy… putting silly things in her mouth or on her head on purpose and then making a ridiculous face. She loves anything with texture. She has ripped a hole in all her stuffed animals, and pulls the stuffing out of each one slowly, savoring the way that stuffing feels in her fingers. (We think that is a little strange.) She loves to run and dance and she is already trying to ride Ben’s bike (which he has yet to ride.) We have found her in the garage sitting on the seat of that bike, ready to go. (Of course, her feet don’t reach the pedals!) Summer is adventurous. She will take off when we take her to the playground… wanting to explore on her own. She likes to make a huge mess. She will try to play in the mud every day. She loves puzzles, and seems so intent on doing them her way. (See face armed with intention below.) Summer will try to win her way into things with multiple kisses and hugs, she knows how to work it. Her teachers at school say that when she doesn’t want to take a nap at school, she doesn’t cry, but rather asks to give more hugs and more kisses. Summer loves her daddy. She has had a “Daddy Song” which is all her own since she was a year old. I have no idea what she is saying aside from Daddy, but she knows it… and sings it repeatedly. She loves her brother and deliberately takes his things just to make him mad. But she loves him and clearly wants to be exactly like him. Summer is well, honestly, she is herself. Headstrong already and sweet as can be… we love her as she is. She is ours.

If you haven’t met her, I can’t wait for you to.

Armed with intention

Sparkly eyes

“What do I see?”

Loves her books

The lineup. She staged this picture and wanted me to take it just like this. (She is little goofy…)

This is Summi – in all her glory.

 

 

Beautiful girl – I should have wiped her face… but that wouldn’t be her.

listening

I do like hip hop music. I really do. And I will say.. Kanye West’s newest album, “808’s and Heartbreak” is amazing. Have you heard it?  If you haven’t… listen to it. It is actually a really interesting sound, and it is Kanye West in a whole new light. (I am not always the biggest fan…) Just listening and enjoying and thought I would share.

photo journal

I have a philosophy about travel photography. It might be silly. But I rarely stop to take a picture… and that is my philosophy. Soak it in… look at it as it is… without trying to alter the real experience. So some of these pictures may seem strange but each one was exactly what I saw.

Sunset, New York City, crossing over

A big bridge, a bigger sky

Perfect light in a taxi

Waiting for a friend

Above the platform

A double door to the other side

Tiny Statue of Liberty and a big reflection

Big and breathtaking

Slanted city

A big gaping hole in the heart of the city

Bright lights after a long walk

Why it is loved

I’m in an apartment off of 8th Avenue and 9th Street in Park Slope, Brooklyn. There is a window in the room letting in a stream of midday sunshine. I hear the voices of a family down below, making conversation as they await Sunday brunch. I hear a haunting violin melody as someone, somewhere near, practices their beloved instrument. There is the cry of a young child, begging permission of their parents to ride the motorized animal that is a source of entertainment outside the diner below this building. There are the cars, zooming by on 9th, with the occasional bass. A horn is blown in hopes for swiftness. There are the neighbors upstairs making some sort of repairs known by the constant hammering. Tree branches, moved by the wind, reach out to scrape the side of this brick building. There is the shower water, which I hear in this unit. There is the hip hop music I can hear in the distance. A screeching bus halts outside. The subway continues on under the pavement, vibrating the world as it passes. A dog barks. The wind blows. A baby cries. I hear birds. I hear footsteps. I hear the heartbeat of a city so close, so tight, it is inseparable from the things that inhabit it.

some stuff

A few items to note…

1. I PASSED MY TEST! For those of you unfamiliar with the saga of the one question, I seem to have redeemed myself.

2. I said a bad word in my class today. They FREAKED out… and barraged me with their litany of curses. They weren’t directed at me… but apparently, when a teacher curses, they feel as if the windows have been thrown open and they can behave like a bunch of swearing monkeys. I will never slip up AGAIN!

3. I leave for New York City on Friday. A weekend with one of my favorite people in the whole world lies ahead and I cannot wait to see what she has up her sleeve. Our visits are always a combination of wandering and delicately chosen events, all of which I soak in like a little sea sponge. 

4. I have pinkeye at the moment. Summer has it bad, so I am not complaining.

5. I saw my beautiful friend Libby perform last night. She was amazing. I basically was able to choose as many cover songs as possible for her to play. The high point of my night was requesting “Love Story” by Taylor Swift and her actually playing it (see post a few days ago for more on my adolescent cravings).

6. I have not felt like writing much lately. Writer’s block anyone?

7. Love you all!