not sure what to write about

I have had about 6 months now of what I would classify as true writers block. Seriously, I sit down at the computer occasionally and think, “oh I should write something” only to find myself staring blankly at a reflective screen. I mean, sometimes I actually think I am a professional writer and that this is actually quite normal, and I tell myself that the block will end. But then, I am not really a professional, just an everyday girl with a slurry of issues, personal insecurities, and a day job that involves hormonal teenagers. The previous items in my reach are the things that usually inspire my words on a page. For whatever reason, at this point in my life, my problems are not inspiring me anymore. Maybe I just don’t want to open up about the things I am processing right now. Life is not huge and heavy right now, but more like steady and slightly challenging.

Sometimes, I feel blocked because this process involves technology. I get annoyed being surrounded by the technology in this world. I – phone, computer, TV, other people using their technology in the grocery store line, behind the wheel. (I am guilty of all of this). The pervasiveness of technology in my life is indicated by the fact that first thing in the morning I check my email for the 6 junk emails I got the night before at the 3 am mail out time. Ridiculous and embarassing to admit, but pushing that little button on an LCD is addicting. I am not even that much a of a tech person, I didn’t even know how to download an app to my iphone until about a week ago. But all of this tech mumbling to say, I think it is ruining a part of us. Ironic, I know, because I am using my personal interactive journal to share this. I’m a little unsure of where to go personally with all this, but I am a little afraid. I am afraid of what is happening to me,  in this instance being a lack of creative inspiration. I am worried for the teenagers I see on a daily basis whose social connectedness comes from a device that fills them in every moment on what their peers are thinking and doing… I am worried for my children, for the fact that they are growing up in a society where opting out of technology can be socially unacceptable. I am worried that I will have to fight them to get to them through the technological haze that comes with being plugged in constantly. I am mad at the fact sometimes that people do not use home phones, that they screen calls, and that they can check out exactly when they want. I am annoyed that in the classroom we are expected to keep up with the culture of technology, and while yes, the internet opens a world of knowledge to all of us, where did the role of the book go? I feel hopeless because I don’t think this whole thing is going away. I think it is here to stay.

I left my cell phone at home on Friday. It was a great day.