Archive for August, 2010



11
Aug
10

for those who are curious

I posted a few days ago about the church saga.

I went to church on sunday.

And the big news is: I really enjoyed it.

I mean, it was nothing monumental, but I was happy to be there.

I am wondering if maybe it all attitude that determines how you feel about something like this…

I am starting to realize I can be a problem at times… and the blame does not lie outside of myself.

Thanks to all of you who asked… I was excited to finally have some positive words to say about my experience.

I’ll keep you posted on more…

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11
Aug
10

he is an idiot

This is priceless evidence of the true character of a man.

I love her reaction.

10
Aug
10

they were not blind

I am heartbroken over this.

It is a very big loss. I watched this and realized the impact.
I am sad about it.
09
Aug
10

these dogs are ridiculous

09
Aug
10

she is 3

07
Aug
10

tomorrow

I am putting this out there because I am scared.

Tomorow we are going to go to church again.

I guess we are going for a couple of reasons about which I am ambivalent.

Let me tell you the backstory first.

For some reason, I have pretty much, since the time I was very small, disliked church.

I hesitate to use the word hate. I would like to say I hate it, but that word just seems so final, and I am pretty positive that me and church are not a done deal. So I will not say I hate it.

As a child, I disliked getting dressed up (in a dress, gasp), I really did not like being dropped off with a bunch of kids I hardly knew for some amount of time, I couldn’t deal with the fact I didn’t know any of the answers to the teachers questions, and I hated that I really wasn’t allowed any of the snacks in the big service (communion). That was what I hated disliked when I was small.

As I grew, my relationship with church changed. No longer did I dislike those things alone, but there were a whole new set of issues with me and church. As a young adult, I felt completely insecure in church. Never knowing the right people in my church, always struggling to keep up with the theological knowledge, and then, just feeling judged, those were my new complaints.

And there was more, I just don’t want to get too carried away. (It might be sinful to be so negative.)

I am filled with mixed emotions. Tomorrow my husband says we are going. to church. and I can’t argue too much.

I miss some of the tradition that come with the church. readings, prayers, quietness.

I feel it is my responsibility for my children to know the purpose of an organized church.

I could stand to listen to someone else’s interpretation of faith and scripture. (not just my own).

So tomorrow we will go.

I will probably be disappointed.

I am unsure if I will ever feel like myself in church.

But thankfully, I realized, as I wrote this, in my mind this has nothing to do with jesus.

and he really knows me and loves me.

But is that weird? Do you think jesus is much a part of church these days?

I’m not sure… but like I said, me and church… we’re not done yet.

That I know.

07
Aug
10

signed up

for a marathon. in january. I will keep you posted on black toenails, way too much time spent in running shoes, and icky gooey treats.